About two weeks before the world stopped, my 17 year old daughter, we shall call Rose, was hired at the beehive to assist with answering call light, provide ice water and snacks to the residents, and to just spend time with them. She celebrated her 18th birthday at the nursing home beehive. Rose quickly became a beloved staff member by the residents. She was so kind and patient with them. Unbeknownst to me, I had put her in the direct line of fire.

After the lockdown, her job quickly evolved into many, various responsibilities including wiping down hand rails, door knobs, light switches, call lights with a bleach solution. This has to be done many times a day. We had to hire more people to also do these tasks. Eventually, we needed these employees to become CNAs. Informal training was provided, so they could assist with all resident care and still perform the wiping down of high touch areas.

When the second time of residents at our beehive having COVID occurred, staff were actually more fearful than the first time. News of outbreaks were increasing across the nation. Images of dead bodies being piled up were flooding the media. Getting the staff to volunteer setting up the COVID unit and providing care was very difficult. Rose, was one of the only staff members that would go get everything set up. She was decked out in her beehive PPE from head to toe. That type of PPE, I referred to as the swimming pool because you literally felt like you were swimming in your own sweat. That PPE was extremely hot to wear. Rose wanted to work on the hot zone as well. She was not scared, she did not hesitate to answer the call of duty to provide care to those almost all others were afraid of. However, the mother in me would not let her do anything, but assist in the hot zone set up. The hot zone is the area of the nursing home that is exclusively for COVID positive residents. There was actually 3 zones, hot, warm and cold. Hot is for the positive. Warm is for the exposed or unknown. Cold is for the residents that are negative for COVID. Each area is sectioned off from the others and staffed exclusively for each area. I wanted her to remain working on the cold unit despite her pleas to work the hot.

As the director of nursing I quickly realized it was a terrible idea to also be the mother of an employee. I expected her to perform as any other employee, maybe even better, but yet my mother brain instinct was always to protect her, to a fault. I didn’t want to have to explain to her father, my husband, that my direction caused our daughter harm. I don’t think my husband would have ever questioned anything, but I knew I would.

A few weeks after the second wave, Rose started formal training at the beehive to become an official CNA. I was so proud. For whatever reason, Rose was kicked out of the formal training. I was never really told why. However, that was the beginning of the end of her employment. She was hurt by being removed. I was hurt. I lashed out at everyone, probably making the situation worse. That was also the beginning of the end of my employment at that beehive as well. I felt betrayed.